Wednesday, 9 November 2016

It could never happen, could it?

Dear Blog readers, I know I said I would bring you the next part of the Springsteen story but I have to put that on hold. You see I'm very excited and I need your help.  I have decided to write a spoof political TV series. Yes, I'm branching out. It's going to be satirical take on what's happening in the world of politics. A kind of ridiculous spoof.  

Now, before I submit my proposals to the major networks I want to try out the outline to the first couple of episodes on you out there, see what you think, get some feedback, you get the picture.  The main thing I need your help with is in getting feedback on whether I have gone too far with the satire, because even a good spoof has to have a bit of credibility.  Look at Spinal Tap; a spoof rock documentary, ridiculous in parts but it worked because it was not too far fetched. It could have happened. That's where I need your help.  Have I kept my ideas within the bounds of credibility or have I gone too far? Could the events I outline really ever happen or has my wild imagination got the better of me?

Let's get straight to it.

Episode 1 

OK, so this is set in the near future.  It starts in a country not that dissimilar to the UK. Let's give it a name, this country, something like the "Federal United Combined Kingdom of Entitled Districts" or F.U.C.K.E.D for short. Now in the opening episode we learn that this country has previously joined up with other nearby countries and they have this great idea that they will work together, form a union where goods and services can be traded freely and the people in each country can work and travel freely in any one of the member states.  Sounds great doesn't it, although maybe a bit idealistic. Anyway the people of F.U.C.K.E.D. enjoy relative economic progress despite the effort of a bunch of bankers to crash the economy of the whole world a few years previously. Now F.U.C.K.E.D. benefits from workers from the nearby countries coming over and filling the gaps in its workforce.  These workers are not that important, they just keep the hospitals going, pick the fruit and vegetables and build houses whilst paying more taxes than they receive in social spending.  What a good deal for the land of F.U.C.K.E.D. I hear you say.  Now comes the funny part.  The people of F.U.C.K.E.D. have a referendum and this right wing, cigar smoking, beer swilling nutcase together with some ex public school toffs persuade lots of people to vote to leave this union, pandering to their bigotry, xenophobia and racism.  No-one thinks it will happen, because it will really mess up the country, it's a crazy idea. But it does happen. All in episode 1.

The people of F.U.C.K.E.D. vote to leave the union and completely mess up their country, their economy and their future because they don't like workers from abroad coming in and helping them out and they don't want to enjoy peaceful cooperation with the other countries.  What do you think? Have I gone too far?  I think maybe I have. As if any of that could happen? People would never commit such self -inflicted damage would they? No, you are right, it is too far fetched.  It's not credible.  OK let's leave episode 1 and go to .........

Episode 2

Here we change the setting.  We imagine a country, no, let's have a superpower, a bit like the USA but we will call it States Harmoniously Inter Twined or S.H.I.T. for short.   Now just like in Episode 1 it relies on there being a big chunk of formerly proud working class people who have had their traditional industries and communities ravaged over the years and who, looking for someone to blame, are manipulated by let's say a billionaire who himself has exploited these very same workers. Already too far fetched?  Stay with me.  This man convinces a major political party to let him run for president even though he has no experience of public office .  He also convinces the electorate that all the problems of  S.H.I.T. are caused by Moslems, Jews, women, Mexicans, in fact anyone who isn't straight, not handicapped and doesn't likes carrying guns. 

The Episode will look at his madcap attempts to become President.  I bet you are thinking it's already crossed the line of credibility; like what are you going to do next John, give him a cartoon hair comb over, an ex model wife who steals other people's speeches and a set of quotes such as:

"We won with poorly educated. I love the poorly educated."

"You know I’m automatically attracted to beautiful — I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star, they let you do it. You can do anything. Grab them by the pussy. You can do anything."

 "I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody, and I wouldn't lose any voters, okay? It's, like, incredible." 

 ‘You know what I wanted to. I wanted to hit a couple of those speakers so hard. I would have hit them. No, no. I was going to hit them, I was all set and then I got a call from a highly respected governor... I was gonna hit one guy in particular, a very little guy. I was gonna hit this guy so hard his head would spin and he wouldn’t know what the hell happened... I was going to hit a number of those speakers so hard their heads would spin, they’d never recover. And that’s what I did with a lot – that’s why I still don’t have certain people endorsing me: they still haven’t recovered."

Now you probably thinking that I have just gone for pure comedy, making up quotes that no politician would ever make.  It's too preposterous especially as the person who does become President of S.H.I.T. has complete control over using the country's nuclear weapon capability. But it was fun making up such ridiculous quotes. Anyway, moving on. For full comic and satirical effect this crazed, egomaniacal billionaire with no political experience wins the election. 

I wanted this episode to be as crazy and as funny as I could make it. He wins the election by manipulating and pandering to the base instincts of the electorate (bit like that German guy in the 30s I suppose) and the only one opposing him is a woman that not many people like either.  Again you will probably criticise me on this- am I expecting my audience to believe that in a country of 350 million people, the electorate only had the choice between two ridiculously flawed candidates??? Well, remember this is a spoof, a comedy so I think artistic licence allows the improbable.  Bottom line is that by electing this man to be president  the people of S.H.I.T. completely mess up their country, their economy and their future. Sounds a bit like Episode 1 doesn't it? Except after this election everyone else in the world is worried too.  What a hoot! A laugh a minute.

And there you have it. My plot outlines for a new political spoof.  The West Wing meets  Airplane and Naked Gun. An, "In the Thick of it" without the subtleties. I know it's made up and ridiculous but remember it's a comedy. Not meant to be taken too seriously.


Now where's the gin?


  1. I like the idea, but treatment is a little too obvious ... gotta keep me (the audience) guessing.

  2. Hi Tom , it was always going to be obvious . I was either going to use irony or get angry. I went for irony bordering on disbelief. Got it out my system now. Have a good day if you can.

  3. BRILLIANT and so well written, almost like real life. I'm wondering where you get your ideas from.

  4. Thanks Valerie. I felt compelled to write something, and I thought the situation with Trump is almost beyond satire. You couldn't make it up could you. Humour keeps one sane I feel . Take care

  5. Love this! If this had been written even 5 years ago, we all would have said you were batty!

    Still in mourning over here. I woke up and kept thinking it was a bad dream. How did the pollsters get it so wrong???

    Keep writing John. You have a lot of talent, and it always makes me smile.

    1. Thanks Carole .The result has had global impact and still seems unreal. I notice he's already backtracking. Wonder when his supporters will realise they were duped and manipulated?

  6. John, wonderful post - you nailed it. Not only is the U.S. election result bizarre and unbelievable, it is a terrifying outcome for the whole world. ISIS, Putin, Brexit, and now Trump. We live in dangerous times.

  7. We certainly do Jude. I guess what we do is show through our actions that there is a different way of thinking and being. Onwards and upwards, things go in cycles and we must hope we come out of this one fairly soon.

  8. Could be the beginnings of a great series. Yes, Minister was hilarious and yet was based on so much fact ( I Know, as I was a Civil Servant at the time it was aired). Will we get royalties for having supported you?

  9. What a great series Yes Minister was, I'd almost forgotten. Royalties? Of course. How's 5% sound?


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