Time to retire the retirement blog

When I started this blog back in July of last year, I never imagined that just 7 months later I would be winding it up. After all this blog was going to be my companion on my exciting retirement journey.  So what's happened?  The short answer is that writing a blog on retirement related issues no longer seems relevant. Since finishing full time work I have accrued a number of jobs both paid and voluntary which mean I no longer feel "retired."  The word, the concept now longer have meaning.  I just work differently and with a pension coming in I simply have a bit more freedom to pick and choose what and when I work.

Whilst I enjoyed writing the blog in the early stages, latterly it has felt like a struggle coming up with posts to fit an overarching theme that no longer applied.  I also realised I do not want to be defined by the term "retirement" or indeed read about retirement.  I want to read about people with something interesting to say regardless of their age or whether they are retired or not.  Similarly I want to write about a whole range of subjects but realised that I had created this straitjacket (the "retirement blog") which would preclude potential readers or put them off.  So, whilst I acknowledge there are some great retirement blogs out there with posts of great interest to many people, I personally do not want to be limited by and defined by something that does not really apply to me anyway.

There it is. The retirement blog is taking early retirement. I've learnt a lot and really appreciate the comments and feedback of those who have read my posts.  I shall leave the blog out there for a while and after taking a little time to consider my next project will come back with a new blog.  I have a few ideas but want to consider this next move rather than rushing into it. 

The shackles of retirement blogging are off and a new challenge awaits.

Thanks for reading.

John 

A dark day for democracy, let's hope not for the world

The last time the inauguration of an American president meant so much for me was when Barack Obama became President for the first time back in 2009.  That seemed truly seismic and historic, and it was. A black president in a country with such a recent history of slavery, racial division, prejudice and ongoing institutionalised racism appeared to signal a positive change that could resonate world wide. If an unimaginable change could happen there then why not elsewhere. It felt incredibly important, signalling something positive after that first, awful decade of the new millennium.

Whilst I cannot speak about the impact Obama has had as a president what I can say is that he and his family have been  a shining example of what we all would want to see in our political leaders. A man of compassion, willing to tackle injustice and inequality, no hint of a personal scandal and someone who knows how to reach out to all people.

Contrast that to today.  We are hours away from the inauguration of man who admits to groping women just because he can, who will pander to base instincts just to get elected, who becomes aggressive and defensive if anyone dares to disagree with him. In short a man who lacks any of the qualities you want to see in a political leader.  It's clear he is a leader in business where being cut throat and pursuing profit are advantages but let loose on the world stage I feel a sense of foreboding as to what havoc he may wreak.

So, for me, it feels a depressing day.  A day when populism and manipulation of people's fears have given us a man clearly not equipped to lead one of the world's most powerful nations.  Yet it does not stop with the U.S. Here in the UK we are also going down a path made ready for us by mainly men who manipulated the fears of people to lay the ground for a change so monumental that it will impact this country for decades to come. As in The U.S. we made a decision based on lies, prejudice and racism and those who disagreed are left as powerless onlookers.

It is probably the first time in my life that I feel that I do not have a political home and that is what makes the situation so depressing. The conservatives set up the referendum unnecessarily. We are now in the midst of years of economic and political uncertainty, the pound is plummeting (which is the only reason we are enjoying a short lived rise in the stock market), big banks are talking about leaving the UK, inflation is rising and on top of that the NHS is collapsing, social care is at breaking point and the future of the UK as an entity is in doubt. Despite all this, if an election were held tomorrow, the conservatives would win.  The labour party under Corbyn looks increasingly unelectable and the liberals appear permanently and probably unfairly tarnished by their association with the conservatives from their time in coalition. Then there's our own version of Trump politics, UKIP. No wonder it feels a depressing period for so many of us.

Some times you need to get to the low points before things can get better. In the U.S. you feel that what may well happen is that some revelation about Trump emerges that is so damaging that he has to go or he is impeached for doing something so at odds with their own laws and constitution. Here my hope is that someone will emerge who can challenge effectively the course we are being taken on and galvanise the many voices that are currently quiet and accepting of our fate.  We could really could do with someone like Barack Obama over here (and I hear he's currently unemployed!).  There are politicians here who could challenge and lead but they need to be bold and reach out.  They might be surprised at how many people are out there ready to get behind the right person. There is always hope,but at this point in time it feels that it is in short supply.

So good luck to the USA and the UK. A very uncertain future awaits both countries. It's a time, more than ever,  for concerned citizens to be vigilant and to hold our politicians to account.


 

My New Year's Revolution

Here we go- stream of consciousness time.  This post will be written and posted sans editing, sans pictures just straight and raw. An idea and a feeling that just needs to be put out there and gap created for me to rethink and come back afresh.

A couple of weeks since my last post and this being a retirement based blog, a few people may have thought, "Oh poor John, long time since his last post and he is at that difficult age when anything can happen, well I hope he he didn't suffer...." but they would be wrong. Feeling fit, dry January and a shiny new exercise bike; all good in the physical shape department. No, the gap in posting has a different cause or rather many interconnected causes.

1. My last post was about co-housing. Great idea.  My post was intended to bring it to people's attention.  It's a relevant subject. All fine, noble and worthy. And yet..... My partner had a read (she doesn't leave comments on my blog, rather tells them to me face to face), I asked for her views.  Well written she said. Ok, said I. But what did you think? Well, she said, (long pause), it was a bit dull wasn't it?  After several days of indignation and hurt pride I  realised she was right.   It was a bit dull.  I had several other posts in the pipeline; all noble worthy subjects; the scandal of the group of women in their early 60's who will not get their state pensions until 66 despite them banking on receiving it when they turned 60, my voluntary work and the organisation I work with.  All interesting topics, all needing careful research and some crafting but essentially articles about stuff that's out there and about which plenty of other people have written. 
2. Linked to the above is the re-evaluation of what a blog or my blog should be about.  I started with the vague notion of writing about issues related to my newly established position of being retired. So you start writing and reading other blogs. Some blogs are like extended Facebook posts.  Today I did this, tomorrow I'll do that. Here's a picture. Or you cover topics; what to do with your pension, maintaining health, the meaning of retirement, nostalgic meanderings. For me I was finding it difficult to establish  a style.  Do I write article type posts or go for personal diary type posts; go for laughs or keep it serious? Then a deeper concern hit me.
3. The title of my blog.  I started the blog at the moment I retired as I thought it would be interesting to chart this new phase of my life.  As I have now been on this phase for 6 months  I realise that it is very narrow to be defined by being retired. Yes I am retired from full-time work but  I am very busy doing various types of work, both paid and unpaid.  Being retired is a small part of what constitutes my existence at this point in time.  I want to write about things that have nothing to do with retirement and yet my blog title in itself could be a barrier to potential new readers. I suppose it's simply that being retired is no longer the big deal that it was for me 6 months ago and I no longer want that to be the overarching theme that I write about.
4. Time.  6 months on from retirement as a full-time educator I have established some new work and interests. Drama teaching, working as a volunteer with  people in crisis, learning Spanish, and wanting to set aside time to write extended pieces outside my blog.  These developments mean I can no longer allocate as much time to write the kind of posts that I have been writing. And do people still want to read these types of posts?
5. These ideas and questions have been floating around for the last two weeks. I started a couple of posts but my heart was not in them. They have been deleted. It was writing for the sake of writing because that's what you do when you have a blog.  It started to feel a bit false. I do not want to become a blog slave. Then I watched a film called Anomalisa by the incredible Charlie Kaufman. Stop motion film and yet one of the most human films I have ever seen. A  film that stops you in your tracks and makes you question why we all do the things that we do.  The main character goes through the motions, playing his roles in the manner expected and yet his life is hollow, devoid of passion and real connection to others. That does not describe my life, and yet it made me question some of the things I do.  Why are you writing the blog?  Who is it for and why are you being so cautious?

There it is.  A newbie blogger's existential crisis. The outcome? I shall stick with my blog's title for now but I shall move away from defining myself or the blog entries in relation to simply being retired. It's narrow and restrictive.  The blogs will be looser, more spontaneous but hopefully more personal and heartfelt. I may lose some readers but gain new ones.  I shall stop looking at the stats. That's not what this should be about. For me it is going to be how I feel. It may get opinionated, even confrontational.  I hope it will sometimes be funny but it will, I promise, always be me and always be real.

Thanks for reading.

Cohousing - A brilliant concept whose time has come?

Happy New Year 

Firstly I would like to wish readers of this blog a happy new year (unless of course you read this in say June or July in which case I hope the year is going well for you).



I wanted to start 2017 with a post that teemed with positivity and good news after the fairly grim world news of 2016. This particular piece of good news literally turned up on my doorstep a few weeks ago when diggers started preparatory work for a cohousing project sited at the end of my garden.No, diggers at the end of my garden is not the good news story, but cohousing is! Although some of you will doubtless know about cohousing, I knew nothing until a cohousing group purchased the land near me and started talking to the local community about their plans. I found their vision and plans exciting, bold, hopeful and inspiring. Cohousing, in principle, appears to provide a template for living that answers many of the troubling questions we may have as we approach the more senior phase of our lives although as a concept it is applicable to all ages.

Good news but let's get the not so good stuff out the way first  

So let's start with the not so good stuff before moving on to extremely positive stuff. This blog started life as a way for me to reflect on retirement and to look at the opportunities and challenges that retirement brings. Retirement is also a time when one takes stock, looking back at one's accomplishments and disappointments and also looking to the future and anticipating what may be in store. 

This is when things can look decidedly less rosy. I shall use my dear old mum as an example. When she and my dad were in their early 60's they moved to be near me and my family. They were fairly fit, solvent and looking forward to enjoying the opportunities of retirement and being doting grandparents. That was their "here and now" but what would happen if one of them was left alone, became ill, got dementia, needed care? There were no plans for these scenarios, they were simply too difficult and uncomfortable to contemplate and in the place of thought out plans my parents' refrain was one familiar to others I'm sure; "I never want to go into a retirement home." That was it. They would never go in a home, no matter what, and I must never try and put them in a home. Plans A,B and C. End of story. I suppose you would call it denial.

Then in 2007 my dad died and my mother quickly developed a mixture of dementia and psychotic episodes. She made increasingly self defeating decisions such as moving to a retirement bungalow out of town that isolated here from friends, family and neighbours. I'll spare the depressing details but her dementia plus increasing psychosis meant that after two enforced stays in hospital I was told that my mother needed to be in residential care; she was not safe to be on her own any longer. I found a home, sold her house to pay for it and then spent 4 years watching the grim sight of my mother become someone I barely recognised and in the process not being cared for as she should have been until I finally found a care home that treated my mum with respect and dignity. None of this, of course, was in her basic plan but because there were few alternatives for my parents' generation my mum's story is one common to many elderly people. 

So now it's the turn of my generation to face the future; what plans will we put in place for that time when we can no longer live in the way that we used to? What are our choices? Some will actively choose to go into residential care and if you have enough money that could be a fantastic choice. Yet many of us have seen our own parents depressed, isolated or being poorly looked after in very expensive care homes. Some like retirement villages and sheltered housing, great for some but usually owned and controlled by companies and not the residents. We also know the care system (in the U.K. at least) is not just creaking but falling apart at the seams so even care in one's own home is increasingly problematic.  We are a generation where many of our children are living in far flung locations so the cosy idea of living as wise grandparents in a three generation extended family is just not going to happen for most of us. So not too many great choices there for us. We also know, unlike our parents, that generally we will live longer lives. The post second world war generations have not been ones to simply put up with the poor choices that have been handed down to them. They have been used to creating their own destinies and coming up with new solutions and now as we collectively approach the more elderly phases of our lives it becomes clear that if we don't like the choices on offer, if we want to stay in control of our lives, then we have to find and create alternatives for ourselves. I believe that one such alternative could be the expansion of co-housing. 


What is Cohousing?

I pointed out at the start that I only found out about co-housing because a co-housing group purchased a big plot of land at the end of my garden a couple of years ago. Immediately this group started to engage with the local community; sharing their plans and ideals, inviting our comments and even inviting interested parties to consider joining them. So what is co-housing? The following is a potted description from the website for the UK Cohousing Network:

" Cohousing in a nutshell

Cohousing communities are created and run by their residents. Each household has a self-contained, private home but residents come together to manage their community and share activities. Cohousing is a way of combating the alienation and isolation many experience today, recreating the neighbourly support of the past. This can happen anywhere, in your street or starting a new community using empty homes or building new."

There you have it. Housing developments designed by those who will live there, independent housing units with some shared communal facilities plus integration into a community based on the values of co-operation, sharing and mutual support. Although cohousing is not just for older people it does seem like an ideal way for older people to plan a different, shared way of living that could avoid the isolation and lack of support experienced by many older people up until now.For many it could also provide an alternative to the feared "ending up in a retirement home."

The group that have started developing the land near me (Cannock Mill Cohousing) have members that are 40+ years of age and their vision is one of independent living within a development where there will be shared spaces and a commitment to be part of a sharing community that will support one another. The members of the group have helped plan what the development will look like and an architect amongst them has designed the houses with input from the whole group. There is a commitment to sustainable development and they want to involve their new neighbours. The group will do things together, look out for one another and it seems inconceivable that any of the members will have to grow old in isolation and without proper care.  Never having heard of co-housing until this group bought the land, I thought this was a brilliant concept and a bold design for living. I also thought it was a new concept. Not so. When I looked into it I realised that co-housing has been a movement that took off in Denmark in the 1960's and has been growing for many years in the USA.  Then a couple of weeks ago there was a BBC news item about the UK's first women only senior co-housing project.

Some of the 26 women from the High Barnet group

26 women had finally moved into their new development In High Barnet. It was the U.K.'s first senior all female cohousing development. It had been many years in the planning but they had achieved their dream. What a powerful sight it was seeing those women, in control of their lives, moving into accommodation designed by themselves, all looking forward to new adventures whilst supporting each other. I know it's not a something that everyone would want but it does seem such an empowering and positive way forward.

Having seen the group of women realising their dream a few weeks ago and how excited and joyful they were to be doing it together and the building work going on at the bottom of my garden makes me convinced that co-housing is an idea who's time has definitely come.

The diggers have started ground works

Cannock Mill is the white building and will be the shared space for the community

It offers the prospect of looking to the future with confidence and joy instead of fear and trepidation. Hopefully as the knowledge of co-housing increases it will become easier for groups of people to set up such schemes and for people to join these schemes.

The group setting up near me are called "Cannock Mill Cohousing"  and I will finish this post by letting them speak for themselves. They do it so much more eloquently than me.

Why cohousing?

The simple answer is because it enables a caring, sharing way of life that eliminates the social isolation that threatens many today, especially in later life, and recreates the neighbourly support of the past.

In cohousing, we know our neighbours and look out for each other; we choose as much privacy or as much socialising as we want; we decide collectively what shared facilities we want to build — a common house where we can cook and eat together, say twice a week, where there will also be guest rooms, a workshop, library, laundry, space for music … dancing … a gym … the possibilities are endless.  We can share gardening, cars, skills, carers in old age — with common facilities and functions jointly owned and run by us.

As a cohousing group we do not have any central religious or social agenda, we are just individuals who see the benefits of an intentional community.  We have agreed, however, that we all aim for maximum eco-efficiency: low energy homes, water efficiency, solar power generation, growing fruit and veg — in other words ‘living lightly’. We will also integrate with and contribute to the wider community in Colchester.

© 2016 Copyright Cannock Mill Cohousing Colchester Ltd.

And finally......

If that's not a positive message to start a new year I don't know what is!  Please visit the two linked websites if you want to find out more. For American readers interested in finding out more try out this website.

I would love to know what people think about cohousing or maybe you already have experience of it.  Either way leave a comment and and if you too think it's a great idea, spread the word!

Ho, Ho, bloody Ho. Not all of us can retire!

Live from a warehouse in Lapland

I was just taking a breather from another exhausting night of packing and labelling millions of presents when I came across this so-called "retirement blog" written by John. I can't believe this bloke. He is always going on about the freedom that retirement brings, how it has opened up new opportunities.  He is not the only one.  There's an army of bloggers out there all chirping on about how they can now do this, or do that. Well aren't you lucky. But take a second and think about those like me who don't get the chance to contemplate a new "phase in their life" because we do not have that choice. We have to keep working!

I know it sounds like I'm moaning but please hear me out. In my job I'm simply not allowed to retire. I don't have that luxury and I blame the Americans!  For years I was just associated with a good slap up feast and plenty of grog, no problems there, but then the yanks had this great idea that I should be called Santa Claus and that I should start delivering presents to all the children of the world who believed in me.  Thanks very much America.  Because of that reinvention, for the past 150 odd years I've had to spend all year buying and wrapping presents and then on Christmas Eve I've got to deliver millions and millions of those presents all around the world.  150 years in the same job. You try doing that when you're 500 years old!

Oh and then I read John's blog; he retired at 60! 60 is not an age to retire.  I was just breaking in new reindeer at 60, my beard was in its infancy and I was working on a new business model which someone stole and is now called Amazon.  Retiring at 60 indeed. I don't think John knows what a decent lifetime's work looks like- alright Donner and Blitzen I'll get your food in a minute I'm just having a rant. So there you have it- I'm 500 years old, I've been delivering presents for about 150 years and I have no prospects of retiring. I am not allowed to retire and to make matters worse I'm not paid anything. Nothing, nada, zilch. No salary, no pension and on top of all that - I have to supply all the presents.  Can you Adam and Eve it? (yes I do actually come from London originally readers not bleeding Lapland or Norway). Luckily I have been reading some other blogs that give decent advice about investments otherwise I'm not sure where the money would come from to buy the millions of presents I have to buy each year.

Oh, and while I'm having this moan ( I hope you will bear with me because this week is unbelievably stressful) please take into account another fact.  There is no way I can retire because I am the one and only father Christmas. Sure there are plenty of fat old men dressed up in department stores but they are just pretending.  They can't fly through the sky at thousands of mile an hour delivering millions of presents. So I'm stuck with it.  A job I can't retire from and a zero hours contract that pays nothing. You retirement bloggers don't know you're born!

This letting off steam has helped. I feel like I have got a few things off my chest and I'm calming down a bit now. On reflection I have to admit there are some perks to the job, it's not all doom and retirement gloom. Firstly I don't age.  I got to about 75 and then stopped ageing which is quite neat I suppose. I sometimes need reading glasses but overall I'm in pretty good shape for a 500 year old. Then there is all that food on Christmas Eve; mince pies, sherry- lovely jubbly- I tell you after a few million of those it can be tricky getting down the chimneys. Oh and of course there's the travel-I do get to see a lot of the world, although I have to get around so quickly I can't really get to engage in the local culture.  The best thing about the job though is seeing those little faces on Christmas day; unwrapping the presents I delivered during the night. That's priceless and makes all the effort worthwhile.

Anyway I have spent too long doing this. My reindeer need feeding and the sleigh needs last minute tuning. John and those other bloggers clearly have too much time on their hands if they can knock out these posts every week- it would be nice if once in a while people like that could offer to help, it really is a struggle doing all the present wrapping and delivery with just a handful of elves and a few reindeer.

 A final word; I do actually feel sorry for John (he says ironically barely able to contain the laughter). He slaves away at his blog every week and gets a few people reading his stuff and a handful of comments here and there.  Without wishing to gloat, I, on the other hand, must have received over a million letters from kids this year and am followed by millions of people worldwide-just look at all the Santa apps and trackers you can download!  Maybe I should start a blog? 

So in this season of goodwill let's be nice to John, let's give him the present he really wants - tell other people about his blog and maybe even follow him- I'm sure he would appreciate it. In the meantime I've got to do my final preparations.  Over a billion presents to deliver in 24 hours and no prospect of retirement. But you know what, I wouldn't really want it any other way.

 Ho,Ho,Ho.

Merry Christmas Everyone


Father Christmas aka Santa Claus,Papa Noel, Saint Nick

My mate alcohol.The end of the beautiful relationship? (a second but different post about alcohol)

Breaking up is hard to do

It's hard enough ending a meaningful relationship, harder still when it's  a relationship with a friend with whom you have had such good times over the years.  In my case this friend entered my life for the first time when I was just five.  I was at a wedding in Holland and my German uncles felt it was a good idea to introduce me to champagne. I think I liked it. That was a fleeting encounter and our meetings were infrequent over the next ten years.  Then I became a teenager and our friendship blossomed. Since that time, from the age 16 or 17, my friend has been a more or less constant companion.  That means our friendship has been pretty solid for the past 44 years. Up until recently that is. The cracks in our friendship are beginning to show. My trusted old friend may have to be shown the door and I feel torn.

Old friends reflecting on a long and complex relationship in Dublin

Teenage kicks

Although I had enjoyed a few tastes of wine and beer growing up it was during the teenage years that I realised that alcohol and I were  going to be a good friends. As a nervy, anxious teen I remember my new friend getting me through a few awkward first dates.There was one night in particular.

I was 17 years old and a gorgeous girl (let's call her Sue) had agreed to go with me to a party I had been invited to.  She looked great, lovely clothes, but I had a jacket on that was too big for me (my mum was still buying my clothes at this point and thought I would "grow into" my new jacket).  I was nervous and hardly spoke on the bus journey to the party.  We arrived. The other boys were eyeing up Sue like adolescent stags posturing and positioning themselves to take advantage of any nervousness and indecision on my part.  The horror of teenage mating rituals.  I knew what I was supposed to do; put my arms around her, dance with her, send out an unmistakable message to the stalking males. But I was shy and nervous around girls at that age and the self doubt crept in; if put my arm around her would she shriek in horror and revulsion and everyone at the party howl in derision at my mistaken idea that she could be remotely interested in me? And yet, if I did nothing, then I would surely lose Sue to one of the testosterone boys and down that path lay humiliation and what I was convinced would be an eternity of singledom. 

At that moment my friend stepped in. He took the form of a bottle of beer, I drank deeply then reached for a second.  I reached in my pocket for that other friend (long since dismissed) "the French Cigarette." I puffed at the cigarette and held the bottle.  I felt transformed.  I was no longer a boy. I was an all smoking all drinking man!  I felt the waves of fear and anxiety receding. The beach of teenage confidence revealed itself and shimmered through the smoke of my Gauloise. I stepped into the rock pools of beery confidence. My slightly befuddled brain spoke to me, "You look cool John, she wants you,what are you waiting for."

What a plonker I was! Of course I didn't look cool, but what was important was that I felt cool. I also felt relaxed and started chatting to Sue and joking around.  I was confident and enjoying myself.  I danced and chatted with Sue and even got a kiss.  The stags suddenly all looked like miniature Bambis and I was the stag of the loch (funny how alcohol affects self perception isn't it?)

One beer and I'm alpha stag

I was in heaven and in my mind the thing that had made this possible was my friend; alcohol.


 Celebration Time

During those next 40 years we have experienced the best of times together and the worst.  We have celebrated weddings, christenings, landmark birthdays and even the false dawn that was a Labour victory in 1997. We've met some great people together, had some crazy parties  and survived some awkward situations. With such a shared history why would I even be considering saying goodbye to such a friend?

 Should he stay or should he go? 

Well, the fact is, my friend is simply not as much fun as he used to be. Let me explain. In the good old days at Warwick University or in the many Youngs pubs of Wandsworth and Putney where I grew up, we would go out and have mighty craic as the Irish would say.  Drinking all manner of wonderfully exotic beers and lagers from around the world, I would loosen up, enjoy myself, lose my inhibitions, do and say things I would not normally do and say and then after a few hours sleep, wake up, shake off the mildest of hangovers and get on with the day.  What pals we were. It was a great relationship. Loads of fun and pleasure for what seemed like just the scantiest of paybacks. Even better, this friend was one that was freely available, enjoyed by many of the adults around me and almost portrayed as the birthright of any decent English man or woman. After all Churchill kept the Brits going by giving speeches fuelled by brandy and champagne. Would it be hyperbole to say my friend helped win the war?

Churchill was a Great Briton and a known heavy drinker - often drinking  a couple of bottles of champagne every day but at the same time he abhorred drunkenness!

A well known exchange between Churchill and Lady Astor:

"You, Mr Churchill, are drunk."

"And you, Lady Astor, are ugly. But I shall be sober in the morning."

 
And so it continued, social events, gatherings, end of term parties; everything seemed a bit easier and more chilled with a drink. This is probably something that many people can relate to; the role drink plays in lowering our anxiety, reducing our inhibitions and releasing our playful side. If things had stayed like that it would have been lovely and my friend would be one I'd be happy to have stick around for ever. 

Reflecting yet again - but that Dusseldorf Alt does taste good!

 
The trouble is this friendship started to change.  It metamorphosed from a genial companion into a leather clad dominatrix.  It started to suggest I could never have a good time unless he was around.  He became a control freak with borderline personality disorder; "Oh, so you were going to go to that christening without me were you. Oh and using the old "I've got to drive" excuse? You know you'll need me later when you're stuck with those tedious relatives.  And when people expect you to be funny? What's your plan then eh? Oh and how are you going to deal with social anxiety?" So you book a taxi and give in.  But even more insidious is the way this friend started to make me feel physically. The mild hangover payoff of my twenties becomes three days of feeling exhausted, lacking energy and seeking the most carb filled, fatty snacks imaginable.  In short the payoff becomes grim and no longer worth the brief moments of fun.



On the other hand there are times when the friendship still feels good. Retired, my friend and I still enjoy cosy evenings in together, a couple of glasses of rich Rioja watching a great film and that's fine, but evenings out? At 61 even a few beers down the pub can leave me feeling grotty the next day. My poor old retired body just can't process my old friend like it used to. This becomes mightily apparent when I have my two or three days a week without my friend. When this happens I invariably sleep better and wake up with more energy.  In short my friend is not really giving me much these days.  The payoff is no longer working to my advantage. 

In January both this year and last, I tried the "dry January" challenge. I lost weight, blood pressure went down and I felt great.  True I had to avoid pubs (which I love) and eating out in restaurants was hard without wine. I will do the same during the January 2107 but my dilemma for the year and onwards will be; do I say goodbye to my friend once and for all or do I say, "Look, I've grown up and it's not really appropriate to hang out with you all the time? We can meet up for meals now and then, but the days of partying are over." 

Hey that's no way to say goodbye

So it's either thanks pal but good bye for ever or thanks pal we are going to be seeing a lot less of each other.

If my friend and I can accept a change in the frequency of our encounters  maybe it's not so much an end to a relationship but about changing the terms of that relationship. It may be that we have related to each other in such a way over such a long time that the only way is a complete break. That is what I have to decide in the coming year. Being older and with my friend taking an increasing toll on physical health as you get older now is the time for a re-evaluation.  

But hey ho, right now it's coming up to Christmas and my friend is in great demand. He's suggesting a night out with old chums in London tomorrow.  What a tempting offer.  December is not the time to break up with my friend; a week before Christmas, he'll be devastated!

Great - my "friend" has just reminded me that we have to go and do the big Christmas shop before Going to London and he's only gone and put gin at the top of the list. What a rascal he is!

Feliz Navidad Everyone
Here's hoping 2017 is going to be better for the world than 2016 

First rule of retirement- Do the things you love to do!

Part of the abbey ruins at Leiston

 Drama in the Suffolk Countryside

A relatively short post this week because life has suddenly become very busy.  Last weekend I went up to Leiston Abbey in Suffolk and took part in a weekend arts course for the siblings of children with special needs.  The lovely people at Pro Corda asked me along to do some drama work with a small group of 9 to 13 year olds based on the story of Aladdin.  Not having worked with young people since July, I had forgotten how much energy and enthusiasm they have and how infectious that enthusiasm can be and also how tiring it can be trying to keep up with them!


In short I had a great time but it was exhausting but exhausting in a good way.  I had ideas but those youngsters had better ones, I had a few things planned but they wanted to do that and more.  I could barely keep up!  It reminded me how privileged  anyone who has the opportunity to work with young people is.  They are bursting with ideas and doing drama with youngsters is just so much fun because young people instinctively want to explore and create. Drama and the arts offer the perfect pathways to do both.

The Pro Corda site including the fantastic thatched barn

I had two ladies helping me who also acted as pastoral staff and it was great to see how they engaged with both the youngsters and the drama. The group also took part in singing with Andrew Quartermain who runs Pro Corda and Sarah Francis who did set design with the group.  We put together a show in little over one and half days and also managed to pack in a party, talent show and watch a film. I also managed to find an hour for myself where I just roamed the leafy pathways around the abbey, took in the crisp, bright Suffolk scenery and realised I needed to get out to the countryside more often.

Our magic carpet created by the youngsters and Sarah

And what of poor old me? How did I cope? The most difficult thing was being that person who stands up and leads who has to generate interest and enthusiasm amongst a group of young people, in other words being a teacher again. There was the initial shock to the system but then I was pleasantly surprised how easily I got back into working with the group.  After a while it's not about leading, it becomes about collaborating, helping young people to find different ways to express character and narrative.  What I particularly like about working with young people is their inventiveness and this group were very inventive believe me.

The experience of last weekend demonstrated to me that my drama teaching was one of the most rewarding parts of  my role in school prior to retirement. It is one of the aspects of my work that I  will continue with and whether it's at Pro Corda or my local drama group, working with young people is a very life affirming and privileged thing to be able to do.  There is a lot that us more mature folk can offer the young but there is also a huge amount that they can show and offer us. 

The Lady Chapel- brought back to life from the ruins

For me the experience of last weekend  highlighted the most positive aspect of retirement, namely the opportunity to pick and choose what you do, when, for how much time and with whom.

On that basis retirement is one of the more rewarding events in my life; I just wish I could have done it thirty years ago.

Hi Ho, Hi Ho, It's off to work we go!

The phoenix hobbles about

 
This blog was supposed to be about the joys of retirement.  John the phoenix of retirement arising from the ashes of salaried servitude, spreading his wings and suddenly becoming a renaissance man; changing the face of modern literature in the morning, becoming multi-lingual over lunch (si, mon amie, das ist richtig!) creating canvases of unimaginable beauty and translucence in the afternoon whilst simultaneously sculpting his body into an athletic form that Usain Bolt could only dream of and then winding down by crafting the odd song or poem before a period of mindfulness and spirituality that would bring shafts of enlightenment both to himself and the world.  If only.... The truth is that my lofty goals have not quite been realised.  Yes, I have started a Spanish class and I have been on my exercise bike now and then but that's about it. 

Hopes and fears 

 

The main thing is, and being serious now, I have enjoyed the freedom that retirement brings. I have taken advantage of this  freedom, like many other retirees, to do the things I couldn't really do whilst working full time. It has been a fantastic and liberating experience. However, I recall that this time last year the prospect of retirement slightly frightened me. Where would I get the social interaction, the buzz of being called upon to sort problems, the sense of purpose that work provided?  My fears were such that I had put in place all sorts of ideas and plans that I hoped would generate the odd bit of work. I had signed up to do some occasional work at one school, registered at an agency for private tutors and had told an educational provider in Suffolk that I would like to work with them at some vague point in the future. Then I retired. It was unexpectedly wonderful.  My fears were unfounded.  I had plenty of activities and ventures to get stuck into and I started my volunteering which helped me discover a new sense of purpose and meaning.  Throughout September and October I heard nothing about me doing any work but I was more than happy.  I had plenty to get on with and I did not need work financially.

That wasn't supposed to happen

 
Then about two weeks ago something strange happened; all of my paid work contingency plans materialised around the same time.  

The school where I had worked asked if I could come in for the day and cover a teacher.  That was last Thursday. Lovely, one day of work every few months would hardly be a heavy demand on my time. At the same time some provisionally discussed work teaching drama in Suffolk became a reality.  The trouble was they wanted me to start this December- the next two weekends in fact. This was now looking like "being at work" again. In addition someone approached me to start private tutoring of her son through a site that I had forgotten I had registered on as a tutor. Finally a school I had hoped to work for, offered me some tutoring with them. I was caught unawares. What was I going to do?  How was I going to fit all this in, did I want to fit it all in?
 

Going back to where I'd worked

 

Well I did do the day back at the old school.  To be fair I had said that I would be happy to do the odd day of cover. The interesting thing for me was how dislocating that experience was.  Going back to a place where I had been deputy headteacher and now being a supply teacher took a bit of getting used to.  As one cheeky lad put it, "You don't work here any more, so you can't tell me off." Ah, the familiar but inaccurate refrain repeated to so many supply teachers.  But it was not just that.  Brilliant though it was seeing the students and staff, something didn't feel quite right. I'd left and come back but no longer belonged in the same way. I had become the equivalent of a tourist and that gave the day an interesting twist.  I started to see things in a different way both positive and negative.  I was the outsider looking in rather than the insider projecting out. I enjoyed the day but I also missed my freedom and it really hit me how much work completely dominates many people's lives.  I was only working for one day but I couldn't escape the feeling that I was tied to someone else's priorities and timetable for that day.  I admit I did go home and appreciated all over again how liberating it would be to wake up the next day and be answerable to no-one but myself as to how I would spend that next day.

An exciting new venture

 

So what about these coming weekends?  Well strangely these feel very different.  As a supply teacher you have to do what's asked of you with no choice. You could be teaching any subject to any age and you have little control over what you are expected to deliver. The coming weekends are different.  I have been asked to lead drama sessions to groups of students, linking in with other creative professionals to produce a mini production around the story of Aladdin. I am firmly back in control over what I prepare and what I will present to the students. The great thing about creative subjects is that the students will bring their ideas and creativity to the weekend so I may control the input but the output will be dependent on what we all contribute and the students will have a large element of control in this.  As a result, the coming weekends will not, I am sure, feel like regular days at work. The lack of restriction, the freedom, the unknown outcomes, this is not the usual stuff of regular work days. People coming together, exploring, creating, laughing and developing is how I dreamed education would be.  It will be exhausting but I am sure it will also be exhilarating and fun.  I will be working with new people in a different environment free of the curricular and assessment restraints that now so often stifle real learning and creativity in many schools. In short, working in a way I'd hoped to when I first became a teacher. I can't wait.  

The other work; tutoring, both one to one and in another school, I have declined. I have enough for now. I will do the odd day of supply at my old school if they want me and as long as I enjoy it. I do hope to become further involved  in the weekend drama work over the next year. For me that will be about attaining what I had always hoped for; doing something I really enjoy, something I would choose to do in my spare time, with people I respect and in a way that still leaves me plenty of time for the other important activities and people in my life. As these weekends will be a completely new venture for me I shall report back next week.

Dream scenario? 

So yes, on a small scale, I am going back to work, but in a way that I had always dreamed of; on my terms,doing things I really enjoy and gain satisfaction from and still with plenty of time to pursue my other interests. I feel fortunate.

Thanks for reading.
 

Bruce Springsteen Part 2- A Difficult Post

A Difficult Post?

A couple of weeks ago I posted about Bruce Springsteen saying what an inspiration he is to people of any age but particularly to those, like me, just entering into their sixties.  Age appears no barrier- the songs are still beautifully crafted and played, the concerts epic in quality and endurance.  To anyone thinking that the best is in the past once you hit your sixties, Bruce is the emphatic riposte.

That was all said in the last post and I indicated that there was more to come. I left the story hanging in the air after recounting how the students' entertainments committee turned down the chance to have Bruce play Warwick University for a pittance and how I ended up with a warped copy of his "Wild,the innocent and the E street shuffle"LP.  Yes, I saw him at Wembley in 1985 and yes, he was amazing, but that's an experience shared by hundreds of thousands of fans.  The next part of the story is 22 years later in 2007. The problem has been that the next part becomes very personal and I think I have sub-consciously been putting this off; not knowing quite how to approach it, maybe not really wanting to approach it at all.

In this respect this post has little to do with retirement. It should perhaps have a different home.  It is personal so I hope you will bear with me on this.  I do not want it to be maudlin or sentimental.  It's more a "public thank you" posting. I suppose it's my way of saying "thanks " to some amazing people.

In 2006 my son George was diagnosed with a brain tumour. Emergency surgery followed.  Devastated by a grim prognosis he soon refocused and was determined to do an illustration degree at Brighton University.  He was accepted and had a fantastic first year keeping his illness as hidden as he could.  He did not want to be defined by cancer and certainly would have hated anyone highlighting it at the time.  

By Christmas 2007 things took a turn for the worse as the tumour returned.  Macmillan cancer support were fantastic; supporting George and the family with practical as well as emotional support.  So first thank you there.  The person who supported us then told us about the Willow Foundation.  This is essentially a charity that aims to give seriously ill young adults (George was 20 at the time) and their families a memorable experience. We thought George would not go for this but he then learnt that this could include going to a concert.  George loved his music and thought it would be fantastic if he and some family and friends could have a special day out at a concert of his choice.  He found out that Bruce was playing the O2 that December and we passed on his wish to Willow.  Willow Foundation - our second big thank you.

Willow Foundation lay on VIP treatment for the big night

Willow contacted Bruce's manager, Barbara Carr.  Now at this point we were hoping that we might get tickets for an already sold out show at the O2.  That would have been fantastic. George had picked up his parent's love of Bruce's music and would have been over the moon at just being able to see Bruce live in concert.  Barbara and Willow had other plans.  Sure we got the tickets; six altogether, but they had laid on so much more. Cadillac pick up, champagne and smoked salmon for the drive, VIP passes and backstage clearance and a one to one encounter with Bruce himself just before he went on stage.  It was a truly memorable day.  George's illness was forgotten that day and we all burned brightly throughout that unforgettable experience; laughing, eating, singing, drinking, dancing and lapping up the whole experience. In short, we were living. Maybe it was living in a bubble removed from the realities of what George was facing but isn't life like that sometimes; finding refuge in bubbles of joy? 

George and Bruce December 2007

George took my warped LP with him and got it signed by Bruce who laughed at the story of how I had obtained the record. Barbara Carr checked in with us throughout our time at the concert.  She is an amazing woman and no wonder Bruce has stuck with her throughout his career.  What we didn't know until we met her is that she had lost a daughter to sarcoma in 1993.  Her daughter, Kristen Ann was 21 when she died and there must have been a real resonance with our son George's story. Barbara Carr started  a charity to fund research fund in memory of her daughter and you can find a link here.

So- thanks as well to Bruce and Barbara.  Between them and Willow foundation we had a brilliant, happy and unforgettable day with George.  Job done. But the next bit is the bit that I find amazing. That concert was in December 2007 and  George died in July 2008.  All who knew him were devastated. That day of the concert, the fun we had, the magic of meeting Bruce, drinking too much in the VIP lounge; all great memories that still mean so much.  Then in 2009 out of the blue Barbara Carr makes contact.  She knows about George but wants to invite his brothers, George's mother and myself to Bruce's upcoming concert in Hyde Park.  VIP tickets again. We were all incredibly grateful but also overwhelmed.  This woman, overseeing a global artist's world tour remembers us and goes out of her way to invite us to another Bruce concert.  When the world seems a dark place such acts of kindness and thoughtfulness really do make the world a brighter place. We were overwhelmed by this act. Celebrity and stardom can affect some people's values and make them removed from real humanity; not Barbara. She is a women who puts people first.   


So there we have it.  I have told that little tale.  Bruce and Barbara are not saints, they are real people who have not forgotten how to connect with other people.  They have "kept it real" and that is part of the reason why Bruce Springsteen has such devoted fans.  He connects and may he long do so. He surrounds himself with others who share his values.  How we need those values in the world right now.

So thank you Macmillan cancer support, The Willow Foundation, Bruce and Barbara. People and organisations that do what they do not for money or glory but because they care.  So a little request.  As it's coming up to Christmas why not order some cards from Willow Foundation or just make a donation to either the Willow Foundation, Macmillan or the Kristen Ann Carr Fund.  What they do really makes a huge difference.  

Thanks for reading.